Last two weekends

The last two weekends have been really eventful, which is great because they've both been amazing (and I've got another great one coming up) but at the same time it leaves me no time to talk to friends back home or post on this stupid thing. So... lame. Sorry.

Two weeks ago I went to an orphanage in Anyang with Amanda and some other assorted friends. It was an orphanage run by the same people as Amanda's adoption agency (if I haven't mentioned it before, Amanda is Korean but she was adopted as an infant and grew up in Oklahoma, hence she speaks no Korean). We met a bunch of little kids. When we first got there they said that they had too many volunteers that day already and we couldn't visit the kids, but then they changed their minds. We headed upstairs and some of the older kids were sort of roaming the halls and a few of them played with us. Pretty quickly we went into one of the rooms, which contained all the 3 and 4 year olds. They were absolutely adorable. When we came in they had been watching TV, but they immediately came over to show us their half-broken toys and play with us. One boy beelined straight for me, wordlessly plopped down in my lap, and went back to watching TV. Then he started stroking my face and calling me "Oma" which means mommy. Uh, seriously, break my heart kid. What, do you want to come home with me? Too bad I don't have money, other wise...

We went in and helped feed the one year olds during lunch time, though I mostly stood in the hallway and played with the older kids who were still roaming. By older I mean like 6 or 7. None of these children spoke a single word of English, by the way. Even the 3 year old who sat with me was talking about the Thomas show on TV, but he didn't know that Thomas was called Thomas and kept calling him "hamatchita" which is Thomas in Korean. The others fed the babies, but I've never been big on children when they're that small, so I just hung back in the hallway. But one of the little girls kept staring at me and reaching for me, so Holly called me in and I sat with the girl in my lap. She was adorable, and really only wanted to see my necklace, which she kept trying to pull straight off my throat. It was just an old chain with Sam's old nametag on it. Then she stopped trying to do that, and any time she thought I wasn't paying attention would try to jam one of her hands down my shirt. Fyfe was laughing at me the whole time, and so was Greco (they came with us to help translate since Fyfe is a Korean linguist, but then two of the TPs from the school came too so they were basically just along for the ride).

We left after lunch because it was nap time. On the way out we stopped a bulletin board with babys pictures on it and little descriptions, and Ellie (Amanda's TP) started reading them to us. They were pictures of babies that had just been abandoned, with descriptions of where they had been. Every single one of us (except the boys) started crying. When Ellie (who is the sweetest, most gentle woman EVER) got to one where the baby had been abandoned in a toilet, she got so angry and embarrassed that she punched the bulletin board and wouldn't read any more. None of us really wanted her to anyway. Then we stood outside awkwardly and silently for about ten minutes and cried. Then we went to lunch.

I tried to write that awkwardly to show just how awkward it was. Did it work?

Then it was Shannon's birthday, so we had a big barbeque and weekend out in Songtan with all the guys. Oh, and Holly had revealed that week to us girls that she is pregnant (!) and is going home to the states in a few months to have the baby and then wait for her husband to finish his time in Korea and come join her at home. Wow. So she doesn't work at Maple Bear anymore. We found that out just before the party, so after having a great time at Holly and Chris's house, we went out without them. It was a pretty good night. We all came back to Holly's and fell asleep on the floor, then got up the next day, walked a dog on base (Greco volunteers at the shelter on base) and got some Taco Bell. Seriously, they are going to have trouble tearing me away from that. Then we went to see Nightmare on Elm Street (stupid) and played some soccer and laid out in the sun. The weather here is beautiful here lately. I am seriously tangental today. And yeah, I'm aware that tangental either isn't a word or wasn't used properly. I also don't care.

Then last weekend was basically Nacho's going away weekend (he finished his time here a few days ago, and is now back in the states on a month's leave). Nacho is Cally's boyfriend, and one of the central guys from the air force that we usually hang out with. He's also hilarious and we're all going to miss him a lot, because he was pretty much the life of the party. And by pretty much I mean completely and totally. We went out to base on Friday after work and they got us passes to spend the weekend there. We had already bought tickets to go white water rafting with all the guys up in Northeast South Korea (that's a lot of cardinal directions really close together), so we left Saturday morning at 6:30. GROSS. One three-hour bus ride later, we got there, and got out on the water. It was really fun. Nacho got to pick his boatload (because there were enough people for two boats) which was basically the cool people boat. And yeah, I was in it. Ha, stupid. It was Fyfe, Greco, Nacho, Cally, Amanda, Winge, Doc, and me. Doc may sound like a dwarf, but there is not Snow White around, and he is from deep Alabama and has the accent to prove it. It was my first time meeting him and he's actually pretty hilarious. Winge is dating Amanda now (as of this weekend... odd) and he's the real dwarf. Haha, kidding only not. Kid's shorter than me. Yikes. (Sorry, I'm trying to give a cast of characters of sorts)

The river was fun, and we got soaked. Mostly because we jumped in. I'm an idiot and when I jumped in to swim I freaked out for a second because the water was sticking to my eyes, and droplets were clouding my vision, but then I realized that I had jumped in with my brand new sunglasses on, like a freakin' moron. Don't worry- they're unharmed. We swam for a bit, and rafted a lot. And really we were just acting ridiculous the whole time. We had chants that we did any time we came up to any other boats, and a war cry. We also loudly sang Aerosmith "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" for most of the ride, and for some reason none of us can remember we at one point softly murmur-sang "On Top of Spaghetti" to one another. The whole time was hilarious and amazing and I am really glad I went. We had free lunch after, and then headed home. So tired.

Of course, we went out that night. Shannon came out and we went to our first Handsome Boy's Night, which is where the guys all get together and watch movies and get drunk. But they call themselves the Handsome Boys, so there you go with the name. Then we went out to watch Chris, Holly's husband, play at the local bar we all love. Holly couldn't come because bars in Korea are super smoky and she has to incubate baby Baldwin (their last name) so she decided to opt out. We all had a great night, but I don't think any of us girls actually spent any of the time together, because we'd all made tons of new friends among the guys that day. Actually, read that I made a bunch of new friends and Amanda hung out with her new boyfriend (?) and Shannon hung out with Fyfe (who we call Mama and Papa because they're pretty much married even though they absolutely refuse to date). It was a great night.

Then the next day Holly, Shannon, Amanda and I went to Seoul in the afternoon with a few of the guys (Fyfe, Greco, Chris, and Doug) and met up with two of our TPs (the same two from the orphanage, Ellie and Faye). There was a huge festival for Buddah's birthday, which is this Friday. People were making little lotus lanterns and all sorts of crafts, and there was a bunch of traditional Korean dancing. We went to a Buddhist temple and took a bunch of pictures. It was all really cool, but we were all EXHAUSTED. We ended up getting Mexican food for lunch and then just going home. We took the fast train home, but it was so full that we basically all ended up falling asleep in a pile on the floor of the cafe car.

Then Monday was Nacho's official going away roast. Meaning let's all talk shit about Nacho roast. I only did a short bit, but I got a decent amount of laughs. I really didn't say much of anything and it wasn't an official roast, so he didn't roast me in return, which I appreciated. People were just goading me so I mocked him for a bit. Then Nacho said a bunch of quotes from people about him that he loved and remembered, and one of his top ten was one of mine from that weekend. Then Cally showed this 30 minute video she made for him made up of pictures and videos she'd taken while dating him. One of the great clips of video was a video of me speaking to Nacho entirely in Spanish while he refused to speak Spanish back to me. I don't remember it, mostly because it was a long time ago and I'd never seen the video before. But it was funny.

This weekend for my birthday (which was Tuesday, and I got some great gifts from my kids and three full size chocolate cakes which looked amazing but smelled and tasted disgusting) we are all going up to an island off the coast of Incheon. I have no idea what it is called, but I know the first three letters of its name are "Muu" so google if you wish. We have a three-day weekend because of Buddha's birthday, so Shannon and I are going up Friday morning and everyone else will come up Friday afternoon after the guys get off work. I'm really excited about it. I'll be sure to take lots of photos and such, which I will post on facebook as usual. For those of you without Facebook, I apologize for the lack of pictures on this blog, but the process takes forever, it takes up lots of space, and it only lets me post about 5 pictures per blog anyway. Not worth it.

Last note: looks like I'm resigning with my school for another year. Which means I will be coming home for two weeks in August (probably the first two weeks) and then I'll be back here until August 2011. WOW. But also, ca-ching. So... bye student loans I guess. I don't really have much more to say, and I don't know how I even could considering how long this entry is. I'll try to update more often so they won't all be sensory overload like this one. YIKES. I'll try. No promises. Love you all! Miss you all!

YIKES IT HAS BEEN LONG

I want to apologize, first and foremost, for taking so long between entries. In March my schedule changed, and with the increase in teaching hours I am exhausted by the time I get home. It's not an excuse, but I'm using it as one.

One of the new things I have noticed about Korea (which I've noticed since the beginning of my time here but haven't yet written about) is that by American standards Koreans are extraordinarily rude. Things are different here. For example, lines don't actually exist. People will walk right in front of you, and you basically have to push your way to the front or get pushed out of the way all together. Even my Koreans friends will walk in front of me if I don't push forward quickly enough. At stop lights, cars can go around the line and cut in front, into the middle of the intersection. While waiting at a bus stop people will shove you aside to get on before you. Another example of the rudeness: walking down the street people will bang into you hard enough to knock you over, but they won't apologize or acknowledge it. On the subway, men will push you out of the way to get to an open seat before you do. I've literally been SHOVED when I'm trying to get off the train by men getting on. No one ever apologizes, no one ever excuses themselves. It's interesting. At first it was hard to get used to, but now it's become almost expected. Almost.

Since the last time I wrote I have discovered a magical new area of Korea. It's called the US Air Force Base in Songtan, and it's essentially a tiny slice of America set in the middle of South Korea. There is a Taco Bell there. A TACO BELL. I can get American products there, and everyone speaks English, and nobody stares at me because I look different from them. We (being Shannon and I) have started hanging out with a group of the Air Force guys that we met through Holly's husband. The main problem I have been having in Korea is the lack of variety in food, but on and around the base you can find any type of food you want. There's a decent Mexican restaurant and an amazing gyro place. I don't know, it's just magical there. It makes me miss home because it's so close without actually having the people I love, but at the same time it definitely makes it easier to handle a week of non-stop Korean culture when I have that outlet on the weekend. Even if only for a little while.

I'm sorry this entry is so short, but I have too many specifics to write about only some, and also I only remember bits and pieces. I'll try not to go so long without writing again but I can't make any promises. We went and saw the cherry blossoms, so those photos just went up on Facebook. Other than that...

Oh, well I have a whole new mess of kids. 12 kindergartners, 12 Grade 1 kids and four kids of scattered older ages. 5 of the Grade 1 kids are mine from last year, 2 are Tara's, and 4 are from Cally's kindergarten last year. There aren't many of them that set themselves apart.

I have another kid named Junebug, but this one is ADORABLE. Dumb as rocks, but cute as a button. Literally, I gave him the assignment to draw a picture of himself as a baby and then a picture of him today. He came back to me with a picture of a tiger and a picture of a car. Well, sure. Okay, Junebug. That's nice.

I've got another one named Percy who is beyond brilliant. Kid can read everything no problem, do any math problem you put in front of him, and speak with near perfect diction and grammar. He self corrects when he makes grammatical mistakes. He is polite and sweet. I'm trying to find the pod he came out of and see if there are any more children left in it that I can bring home.

Davey is the clingiest child I've ever come across in my life. He literally attaches himself to me in any way he possibly can. He grabs my leg, wraps his arms around my waist and his legs around my thigh, jumps up so I'm wearing him like a fanny pack with his legs around my waist, sits in my lap any time I stop moving. Once I was crouched in front of another student's desk helping them with their math work and he came over from his desk with his math book, sat on my while I was crouching down, and tried to sit there and do his math work on his lap. He almost tipped me over.

Sorry, I really do have to go. We're going to Malaysia and Bali at the end of July so Shannon and I have started doing pilates and yoga like, 4 or 5 days a week to get in bikini shape. Or, in my case, some shape other than "lump in a bikini." I'll try to update more frequently!

This one's for Sandy

Today was activity day, which isn't really important. It's Lunar New Year coming up, so we made wooden tops, they dressed in Hanbok, we talked about resolutions, etc. etc.

Every Activity day though, there is a special lunch (which is actually smaller because the TPs are super busy during activity day and don't have enough time to serve the larger lunch). The lunch consists of a clementine, a roll with melted cheese on top, and shrimp fried rice. The shrimp is tiny and there isn't a lot of it, but I still can't eat it because the rice has been cooked with the shrimp (obviously). The first activity day I went to, however, I didn't even notice the shrimp, ate a huge serving of rice and felt sick for the rest of the day. Because I can't have the rice, Miss Theresa (the lunch lady) always puts in extra rolls and clementines for me. I sit at a table with Tom, Cherry, Andrew, and Julia, with my back to my other students (Miss Young sits at their table).

Today, I sat down with my tray full of rolls and oranges, and Tom asked me why I didn't have any rice. I told him I had an allergy, etc. etc. He said shrimp was one of his favorite foods, which Paul chimed in on. He heard that part from the other table, and said it was one of his favorites, and asked why I didn't like it because he hadn't heard the first part of the conversation. I repeated myself, saying I loved shrimp but that I can't eat it anymore. Sandy, who sits across from Ryan and about as far away from me as possible, having heard nothing but this, asks if I have an allergy. I say I do and explain to the other kids what an allergy is because they didn't understand. Everyone then turns back to their food and proceeds to eat.

A minute, maybe two, passes in complete silence. Then, out of nowhere, Sandy jumps out of her chair and yells "Miss Kelsey! Don't eat the rice! It has shrimp!" I turn around to look at her and she is reaching out toward me (from about ten feet away), and she looks so concerned and afraid for me. It was adorable. This little girl who is only seven years old, was THAT concerned about my health. It was like I was about to go into a room that had a bomb in it, or as if I were the heroine in a scary movie, running from the villain and trying to get away by running up the stairs. She literally JUMPED out of her chair (she actually almost knocked it over) and reached out for me, just to warn me about my rice.

Honestly, the first thing I thought was that this girl actually cares about me. I'm not just some white lady she's known for six months. She really loves me. Then, when we practiced our graduation songs after lunch she sat on my lap and leaned her head on my shoulder while she sang. And when I told her I'm teaching the new class she'll be starting in a few weeks, she got so excited she practically tackled me just to give me a hug. So, in other words, the cuteness of the week award goes to: everything Sandy did today. Thanks for making me feel amazing, my love.

Very quickly during my 15 minute break:

Two things that I find interesting.

1) In Korea people are actually honest about appearance. If you are fat, they tell you that you are fat. If you look tired, they say it. No one gets offended. It's like a statement of fact, and everyone knows. They also tell you when you look good, and it actually makes you feel good because every time they say it you know it's honest. Anyway, in class the other day we were making a boat out of tangrams (those special shape things that you can put together to make all sorts of pictures). I drew the boat on the board, and then as a joke, drew all the kids in the class inside the boat. When I was finished, there was no room to draw myself, so I drew me hanging off the side. When Tom asked why, Junebug said "Because too heavy." And instead of getting offended, I laughed. It was funny. Yeah, I'm not nearly as thin as any of the women he knows, and I probably never will be. Asian women are tiny. And yeah, I'm packing on a few pounds. So what? I actually kind of like it when people are honest. It makes me feel better when they say I'm fat than when people back home tell me I look skinny, because at least I know they're telling the truth.

2) My kids invented the best kind of tag EVER and when I return to the states I fully expect a large scale version to be played. It's called Zombie attack, and it's a combination of tag and the zombie apocalypse. One person starts as a zombie, and everyone else is a "people" (we're working on plurals and singulars, but they still have trouble). The zombie has to move kind of slowly and hold their arms out in front of them, while making creepy moaning noises. Everyone else screams and runs. If the zombie catches someone, that person also becomes a zombie. The infection spreads. Every so often one of the zombies calls out "Who is still a people?" and one or two kids raise their hands, only to be viciously hunted by the others. The last people standing wins, and starts as the zombie in the next round. It's HILARIOUS to watch. That is, until I start playing and someone knocks Cynthia over, causing me to knee her in the forehead at the same time that someone accidentally body slams Junebug into a wall. It's times like those that I realize Zombie Attack should be an OUTDOOR game.

About ten million things that I should have written separately but am going to lump together because I'm cool like that. I like long titles.

1) At our Hogwan (English school) they like to have an Open House twice a year. However, because many parents don't speak English, instead of a meeting at night with the teacher and the parents, parents just come in and, uh AWKWARD, watch you teach. I had two of them this week (for my two older classes) and they were horrible. They were seriously awkward because the parents just set up chairs about ten feet away from the table and stare. For forty minutes. Most of the parents don't speak English, so they just watch people jibber jabber, essentially. And, of course, I have one super nitpicky mother in one of my classes whose son was particularly nervous that day. So she was "disappointed" in my class and now (after already giving a list of all my faults, most of which are STUPID) to my boss, she wants to have a meeting with me and my boss next week. Understandably, I am frustrated and annoyed. Thank god the school year ends in a month.

2) The school year ends in a month. In Korea their school year is March to February. Public schools get spread out breaks, like year round schools in the states, but Hogwans do not take the same breaks. We were supposed to get a work day in between the last day of this year and the first day of next year, but because of the snow day that happened right after winter break, we have to teach that day. Our schedules are all getting switched around, and most of us won't be teaching the same classes next year. In other words, we have no time to learn entire new curriculums, prep for different language levels, or figure out what the hell we're doing. They won't even tell us what classes we'll be teaching until the last week of February. Just another way in which our administration is helpful and kind to us teachers.

3) I thought of two more things to add to my previous list of things that are better in Korea: hooded sweatshirts and take-out soup.

Rather than tiny hoods which don't quite cover your head and squeeze your brains in, while allowing any precipitation that might fall from the sky to soak the front inch of your head, Korean hoods are extra large. The first time I threw my hood on, it literally fell down and covered my entire face. There is actually room inside of the hood. Novel concept.

Take out soup is INCREDIBLE here. In the states they put it into flimsy cardboard cup-of-noodles sized container with an ill fitting lid. Here they give you a bowl, and put the soup inside the bowl... but inside of a plastic bag that is tied shut. Meaning they put the soup in a bag, tie it shut, and then put the bag into a bowl. So you can eat it from a normal bowl, but when you carry it around the soup magically doesn't spill. It can even fall out of the bowl and the soup just rolls around in the bag. Wow, how easy and smart. Good job Korea. America- fail.

4) I know I've said that in Korea drinking is accepted at a level far beyond that in America, but I have a few stories to demonstrate.

On Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights you can find

Korean men in suits, obviously business men, laying on the street, asleep, drunk.

I went to a large Korean event recently (to be described in a second) and there were parent-child races. Normal. Abnormal: the race was for parent and child to run across the ice (it was an ice fishing festival) while holding a giant inflatable Soju bottle. Soju is a Korean liquor. Then they do a circle around a wooden bottle painted to look like a Soju bottle. Then the kid climbs in a saucer-style sled and the parent drags them back to the start line. In between rounds, men dressed as wide-eyed, smiling Soju bottles dance to KPop (Korean Pop). By the way, I took a video of the dancing Soju and will try to post it on Facebook soon.

One of the teachers at my school had her 28th birthday about a month ago. On the day of, she went to get a manicure in the neighborhood. While talking to the woman painting her nails, she mentioned that it was her birthday. The woman left (mid-manicure) and went to the grocery store down the street. She bought two bottles of Soju. One she gave to my friend as a gift. The other they drank together, taking shots while the woman continued to paint her nails. So, you know, totally normal interaction for manicurist and patron.

5) The ice-fishing festival, which was actually a festival for trout, believe it or not. It was the Hwachon Sancheoneo Festival, or the Hwachon Trout Festival. My Korean friend Erica invited me, Tonya, and a teacher who used to work at my school (and is back in Korea for a few months for another teaching job) named Adeel. I think I wrote about him in early entries. ANYWAY. We had to leave at 6 am so we could make it to the subway station where the bus left from. The bus was supposed to leave at 8 am, but we were the last ones to get there at 7:55. They literally made us run and took off as soon as we got on the bus. So now all those Koreans probably think that white people are always late. The bus then took three hours. We got there at 11, and were greeted by an interesting sight: a frozen river with hundreds of Koreans running around on top. We went across this bridge on foot, and on the opposite end Adeel and I found these fish constructed of wire and paper. We couldn't figure out why at first, but they had flags from all different countries underneath as well as dates. When I looked closer I noticed a tiny U.N. insignia on each sign, and I realized after inspecting a few of them that they were all the countries who belong to the U.N. and that the dates were their dates of entry. Why? NO IDEA.

We finally got down to the river (we had crossed the bridge because we saw this huge slide that was on the other side, but it turns out that it wasn't a way down from the top of the river bank, but an attraction you had to line up for on the river's surface and then climb a giant ladder to go down. Because that's logical) and walked across the frozen surface. It wasn't as difficult as I had originally thought. We walked along the river for a bit, dodging people who were on rented sleds. There were two kinds of sleds. One kind was a small wooden square, on metal runners, which you sat on and two pointy, metal tipped sticks you pulled yourself along the ice with. The other was a large bench with metal runners and a big handle at the back so someone could push you along. We paid 10,000W to rent one of those for an hour (but they had no system to tell when that hour was up). After a while on the sled we stopped to watch a Soju race (described above) during which I noticed something.

At the first festival I attended in Korea (the Hwasong Fortress Festival) I was chased by three Korean photographers who wanted to snap a photo of a white chick. It was as if I were a celebrity and they were the paparazzi, and the more embarrassed I got and blocked my face, the more photos they took. Again, like the paparazzi. As we sat watching tiny children being hauled across ice by their fathers, all the while carrying giant bottles of liquor, I noticed a photographer about twenty feet away. Taking photos of me. For ten minutes. When we went to leave and go play with the sled some more, he stopped us and spoke to Erica in Korean. He wanted to get photos of us on the sled. He put me on the front. He made them push Adeel and I toward him and he snapped a bunch of pictures. Then he made us do it again. Again, I was embarrassed and I felt exposed. It was worse than earlier that day when we were walking around and a 40-something year old woman kept yelling "hi" at me and waving until I waved back and said "hi." Then she pointed at me and spoke Korean to her friend for about five minutes. Then she started yelling "bye" at me until I said "bye" back. She laughed as she walked away. Fantastic.

Anyway, he finally let us go, and I can't even begin to explain how relieved I was. We turned the sled around... and came face to face with another photographer who wanted to take our picture. He rearranged everyone so that Tonya was on the sled with me (me still in front of course, as the whitest person must always be in the forefront). Then he made us run toward him. Then he made us turn around. Then he made us run toward him. Then he made us turn around. Again. And again. After about the sixth round, the first photographer reappeared and started taking photos with him. Again. And again. I swear, we probably did about fifteen rounds of running toward this guy while he snapped photos and then turned around and went away from him so we could do it all over. It was excruciating. I hated it. I was so embarrassed. We were all laughing, but I was only doing it out of nervousness. Ugh.

We kept riding around after the photographers left. At one point we were passing this kid who was sitting on the big sled with his parents shoving him back and forth between them. Just as we passed, his mom missed grabbing the sled and it looked like he was going to T-bone us. I have never seen such terror on a child's face (he was maybe 7 or 8 at most) and he was screaming like he was about to die. Really, it was my legs that were about to die. At the last second his mom caught the back of the sled and stopped him an inch from slamming into my left knee. Crisis averted.

We also noticed some AMAZING modes of transportation. There were these three foot tall automated robot bears. It's hard to describe. They looked like giant Pooh stuffed animals (and there was actually a Mickey Mouse too) but they could move. They were walking across the ice while strapped to RICKSHAWS which were carrying people. People were literally riding in rickshaws being carried by animated Disney characters. Are you kidding me? That's awesome, I don't care who you are.

We finally took the sled back and went to get some lunch. When we returned the sled we got a 10,000W voucher for food (so basically the sled was a throw in with lunch). We bought a bunch of chicken skewers and some fried rice cake drizzled with honey. Which was really good even though I'm not a fan of rice cake. We were still hungry so we got some Odang (a really yummy soup with thick rice noodles in it).

The opposite side of the river from the food had these elaborate carvings in the snow on the river banks, so we went across to see them. As we went across the ice Erica and Tonya grabbed my hands and tried to pull me, which inevitably ended with me on the ice with a sore butt. Spazzy girls on ice without autonomous use of their limbs? Bad idea. Oh well. I lived.

And it was worth it when we got to the opposite side and saw the carvings. There will be photos on facebook soon (if there aren't already). They had built these huge carvings of people, fish, tigers, the freakin' Cheshire Cat, and a bunch of swirls and designs. There was even a naked lady. And a huge castle too. Inside the castle was a cafe, some signs about the benefits of moving to the country (parts of which were really weird), and a big fence with fish tied all over it. People wrote their wishes on the side of fishes and tied them to this fence. I couldn't read a word because it was all in Korean, but I think there's a Dr. Seuss book in there somewhere. Who wants to write it?

We went back outside and I realized that the tiger's mouth was really the opening to a tunnel, Cave of Wonders style. We went through it. It was a long tunnel made entirely of ice, with neon lights inside that changed colors. It was really cool. I tried to take pictures, but with the flash you can't see the color and without the flash everything is really shaky.

Over the top of the carvings was a sort-of long ice slide that went at a really not-steep angle (not-steep? There goes my vocabulary. They say that happens once you've been here a while). We got in line for it, even though it was mostly for kids. They had plastic sheets that you could sit on (it was literally like plastic-coated cardboard) and slide down. There were stuffed potato sacks at the bottom to keep your from hitting the ice at the end. I thought it was going to be a really gentle, easy ride. OH MY GOD THAT THING WAS FAST. I didn't think about the fact that the ice slide was a slide made of ice and that ice is slippery. Stupid, I know, but it honestly never occurred to me. It was really fun. I actually sent the potato sacks flying over the ice barricade. Erica and Tonya screamed. So did Adeel, although Adeel's was manlier. I didn't make a sound. Who's the man? This guy!

Koh Samui, or perfection

Koh Samui was the most relaxed place we ever went. We didn't do anything except lay on the beach all day. Our hotel was really nice. It was out in the middle of nowhere, but there were other hotels around. There was a resort a little down and across the street that we were allowed to walk through in order to get to the beach. The beach nearby seemed to be the resort's private beach, as it was only a small tract of sand that didn't span too great a distance along the shoreline and there were very few people there. The beach chairs all belonged to the resort. Right next door were three restaurants in a row. The first one came recommended and we ate every meal of Koh Samui there because it was so good. Basically all we did was camp out on the beach during the day and party at night.

The second night there we went to a nice dinner and then to two bars we had heard about that were in town. First we went to Arc bar, which was an open air bar on the beach. We walked down onto the sand, where the beach lounges had been put together in table formations, laid flat with their pads on top, and everyone was standing on them and dancing. We joined in. People around us were drinking from children's sand buckets, which seemed to be pretty typical in Thailand. They would put a small bottle of alcohol, and some mixers into the bucket, then stick a few straws in and sell it to you for... $10 after the exchange? Anyway, we didn't have buckets there, just normal drinks. We danced for a bit. A man came up to us with a monkey and put it on Shannon's shoulders. I took a few pictures, and we didn't notice that he did the same. Then he tried to sell her the picture he took, and got angry when she wouldn't pay him or take it. There were lots of drunk people, including a group of guys wearing only their girlfriends' underwear and some random Aussie running around, incoherently dancing in just his boxer briefs. Nice.

We left there pretty quickly and went up the street to a place Kristen had read about called the Green Mango. We danced for a few hours, and went home pretty early in the night. That we wasn't everyone though, just me, Shannon, and Melissa. Kristen, Tonya, and Angela stayed out and went to another after hours club.

The next day was New Years Eve, and we knew we were going to head to Koh Phangan, a tiny island to the north of Koh Samui, where there was a huge party happening for the full moon, which happened to be on New Years Eve. The taxi to take us to the speedboat was late, so we missed our boat, but since it was the boat company's fault they let us on the next one leaving. We got to the island and sat down to an AWESOME dinner. I got a cheeseburger because it looked like it might be a real burger, and it was. Hand formed patty, real cheese (not the crap you get in Korea), the works. It was delicious. Immediately after that we all bought our first buckets of the night. I stayed at only one bucket (because, hello, I'm in a foreign country where I know none of the language, no one but my friends who are likewise foreign, I have to go back to work in two days, and there are 14,000 people at this party-- obviously getting drunk was the most terrible idea possible) but Kristen and (I think) Tonya had two each. We went to a little station where they had phosphorescent paint, and we all got our bodies painted, like pretty much everyone else at the party. Then we danced. For about 5 hours. The crowd was impossible to negotiate, and we lost Kristen and Tonya, though they stayed together. We had set up a meeting point at the beginning of the night, and both Shannon and I got lost at one point or another and had to go there. I was found within about ten minutes of getting lost. Shannon found us again about 30 minutes after she lost us. Angela had met up with a few French guys she met earlier in the vacation, before we got there. And we literally just danced all night until we got tired. At one point we walked the whole length of the beach, and sat down where there were less crowds. People kept trying to do the lanterns, drunk, and I almost got set on fire a few times from people letting them go too soon right behind me, so that the flaming lantern landed on me, but I was fine. Then some people were setting off fireworks, and some exploded on the ground about 50 feet in front of us, which freaked Shannon and Melissa out a lot.

Shannon, Melissa, Angela, and I left pretty early (at around 3:30). We later found out that Tonya and Kristen stayed there until about 6 am or 7, though Kristen was asleep that entire time, having gotten way too drunk and passed out in a bungalow. Anyway, the party was amazing, until the ride home. At the pier, there were all the speedboat companies. Everyone had their ticket around their neck, and each company had a different color of yarn to hang the ticket on. But there was no way of knowing which pier your company was coming to, and people were pushing forward. There were no rails in between the edge of the pier and the ocean, so the people in front were in constant danger of being shoved onto the rocks at the edge of the water. I don't really want to describe what happened in too much detail, but suffice it to say that I almost got cut off from my group and left alone on the island, and then I almost fell off the plank walk down to the boat and onto the rocks below. I literally was caught by three guys, and one of them lifted me up and carried me to the boat. The speedboat took about a half hour, and then the taxi took us home and we went to bed. Well, everyone else went to bed. I had to wait at reception for the woman who worked there because Kristen had our room key. But then I went to bed.

The next morning Kristen woke up and started freaking out. She was hungover, remembered little to nothing of the party, and had in fact spent more than half of it asleep. She said her arm was sore like she'd gotten a shot, and there was a small bruise, and she started to freak out, saying she'd gotten injected with HIV. Where she got that idea I don't know. But there was no puncture, and no sign that she'd been injected at all, and Tonya said she'd probably gotten it when she fell in the ocean (where all the guys were peeing-yummy). Kristen still doesn't believe it. She still thinks she got injected. With HIV of all things. She won't listen to reason. Still, a week later. She's crazy. Everyone was fine though, and the others had to leave that afternoon. The other four had to work on saturday, so they flew home that afternoon/evening.

Kristen and I stayed another day. We went back to Arc bar that night, which was significantly more subdued than it had been before (most of the people there having been at the New Years party the night before and partied hard enough then to not need more partying. We sat, smoked hookah, and talked to some people around us. We didn't even drink or anything. However, we did notice something that was more than slightly disconcerting.

On all the beaches in Thailand, people would walk by trying to sell us stuff, whether it was necklaces, dresses, or souveniers (I still can't spell that word). Some of them were children. That night at Arc bar, the majority of the venders were little girls between the ages of 4 and 12. They were the most brazen flirts I've ever seen in my life. One girl, in particular, was about 5, maybe 6 years old, and would sneak up behind tourist men sitting of the lounge chairs and try to throw her necklaces around their necks. She wouldn't leave them alone, she would wrestle them as they tried to keep her from doing it, and put her arms around their necks and try to cuddle against them. She would give them kisses on the cheek and whisper in their ears. She would dance seductively for them. One guy bought a necklace and she tried to kiss him on the lips. He dodged her, but she threw her arms around his neck and plastered his face with kisses.

The awful thing is that her parents obviously didn't just condone this, but put her up to it. People are more likely to buy things from children, especially girls, so parents send their daughters out to do this with strange men late at night. What's worse is that there is pretty much no other way these girls' lives will turn out other than prostitution. That was a poorly constructed sentence. What it says is that these girls will all turn out to be prostitutes. Which is horrible. It was depressing me to watch these girls in action, so we went back to the hotel and to bed.

Our last day we camped out on the beach, and then went to the hotel and got our suitcases in the afternoon, just before our taxi was to arrive. I hadn't been feeling well all day, and hadn't really been eating much. I was sun sick, in essence. By the time we got to the airport I felt terrible. I haven't felt that sick in long time. I took some Dramamine type stuff hoping it would settle my stomach and knock me out, which it sort of did. The knocking me out part. Anyway, I got super sick on the airplane, which I'm not going to describe for obvious reasons. So that was the horrible end to an otherwise completely fantastic trip. Oh, and I didn't get sunburned the whole time because I kept sunscreen on always, and then the last day I ran out of sunscreen and burned the crap out of myself. Which was also nice.

Sorry these were so long and didn't really say much of anything.

Koh Phi Phi a.k.a. I'm on a boat

We got up really early on our last morning in Phuket (which was to be also our first day in Koh Phi Phi) and took a taxi to catch the 8 am ferry. We got on the boat and sat on the edge, hoping to take some good pictures and catch as much of scenery as possible. And we did. We also caught a lot of splashing water from the front of the boat. At first it was just a little bit, but pretty soon we were getting soaked, so we moved inside. At least, we moved inside after listening to "I'm on a Boat" on my iPod a couple of times, and rapping along at the best parts (though, admittedly, that was mostly me).

Before we even reached the island I could tell, just from looking out the window, that Koh Phi Phi was going to surpass anything I could even imagine in beauty. The sapphire water, the large, hilly island, the perfection of the horizon line where the sky and ocean met, which almost disappeared because it blended so well, all these things combined to create this otherwordly splendor spread out before me. I couldn't do anything but stare.

And then we got to the island, and everything I had thought was confirmed. The water everywhere was shallow, the same aquamarine of the ocean at Karon, only infinitely more clear, bright, and blue-green. Below the surface there were dark rocks marking the white sand. The islands all around were edged by cliffs and filled with hills. Only one of them had structures on it. This was Koh Phi Phi. The pier, toward the middle of the island, had many buildings around it, all small and beachy, with the typical decor one might expect in such a locale. At first I thought this area might be where our hotel was, but as soon as we got off the boat we were told we would have to take a taxi to the end of the island, the end we'd passed on the way in that had a gorgeous little strip of beach, tons of hills, and only a few hotels. Expecting to be led deeper into town to catch a car, we were instead led toward the beach, where our suitcases where thrown into a long tail boat. We got about knee deep into the water and were helped up into the boat. They took us to the other end of the island, and dropped us right in front of our hotel. They put our suitcase on this combination dumb waiter- roller coaster that pulled it up the hill. It was at that point that I took a good look at the stairs we were expected to climb and noticed that they were completely ridiculous and I didn't want to climb them even a little bit. Too late.

After a five year long climb we (being me, Tonya, and Kristen) found ourselves at the front desk. Shannon was supposed to be with us, and had paid for her spot in one of the rooms (we were scheduled to be 2 and 2) but she had dropped out to do just a day trip with some other friends, so I got a bungalow to myself. Right away we asked about excursions to Maya beach, which is famous for being one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. They said there was a scuba trip we could take to Koh Phi Lay (another of the islands nearby, where Maya beach is located) with a private long boat. They would take us to Maya beach for an hour first, and then snorkeling. The boat would take the long way and give us a tour of the islands. For super cheap. So we signed up, and had a few hours to blow before our tour left, so we went down to the beach. That whole end of the island was made up of hills, with only a tiny bit of beach before this hills became ocean. The floor was rocky, but absolutely beautiful. There were small striped, tropical fish swimming all around our legs as we stood in the water. It was amazing.

Our tour left, and the long way to Maya beach was fantastic. The islands were even more beautiful close up, as the small boat got much closer than the ferry could. The sides of the cliffs looked like they were dripping, with rocks hanging down in formations reminiscent of water dripping off a body only recently risen from the water. At the base, the cliffs didn't quite reach the water, as though the ocean had lost depth over the past few years which, given the current global climate and the overwhelming evidence in support of global warming, it undoubtedly has. We finally rounded the corner and saw Maya beach. When we got to the actual shore and got onto the sand (which was so fine it felt like walking in flour) I turned around and realized I was standing in the exact spot where my school computer's desktop picture was taken. Maya beach is inside a tiny bay, surrounded on all sides by land. Straight back there was jungle, with hills not full behind, and one either side of the beach were huge cliffs. The sun was mostly kept out by the cliffs, but the beautiful color of the ocean was no different. I spent our entire hour in the water, floating on the glassy surface. Which means I forgot to take pictures there. But I'll steal Tonya's.

After an hour there, our boat took us around the edge of the island to the area where people snorkel. There was no beach nearby, but rather a rocky shore at the base of the cliffs, with a tiny, enormously tall island keeping the shallow water protected from the open ocean. We got our snorkeling gear on and jumped off the side of the boat into the water. As soon as I looked below the surface of the water I was blown away. It was only about ten feet to the bottom, which was covered with coral. The coral was all different colors, and covered with sea anenome and sea urchins. We saw some brain coral even, which was surprisingly cool. Everywhere I looked there were tons of different kinds of fish in all different colors. We saw Dory (the Ellen Degeneres fish) from Finding Nemo, bright blue with a yellow spot. We also saw Gill (the fish in the tank who also had a broken fin). That was my favorite fish. It's really called a Moorish Idol fish. They are black, yellow, and white striped fish who have a thin string-like thing coming off the top of their head. The way it moved in the water was interesting. It looked almost like salt water taffy that someone had stretched too far and extremely thin. Anyway. We also saw Neon fish in all different colors. There were all sorts of different fish. White fish. Black fish. Blue and yellow striped fish. Black head and white butt fish. Yellow and white striped fish. Orange fish. Blue green and purple fish. One fish that looked like a tiny, rounded nosed swordfish. Long ones. Short ones. Some as big as your head (kidding). Another favorite was these schools of tiny fish that would swim in small clumps and, when startled, all immediately turn in exactly the same direction, as if they were thinking as one. We also saw clouds in the water, which were really floating fish eggs. Gross-ish when you think about it. I got hit by the tide and one point and pushed into the rocks, scraping my knees and bruising my shins. Still, the entire experience was incredible.

Okay, so I'm sorry that this entry is so long. And that the last one was too. I just have so much to say. One more thing on Koh Phi Phi.

I'm really not doing it's beauty justice. From the moment I got there I noticed that it was created perfectly in order to preserve itself. With all the cliffs and hills the islands are impossible to industrialize of even really build on. Only Koh Phi Phi has enough flat areas, and even they are very few and very far between. As is evidenced by the huge staircase to our hotel, it was built on a huge hill. There is nothing anyone can possibly do with it except enjoy it for it's natural magnificence. The water was completely amazing too- a pal turquoise color like you'd think only existed in swimming pools and on photoshopped postcards. Not photoshopped. Real. Gorgeous. The deep water was a perfect sapphire. The plants all around were awesome as well; white flowers, orange flowers, pink flowers, multi-colored flowers, water lilies, palm trees, banana trees, and every other tropical plant you could image littered the hillsides. Everything around was aesthetically stupendous.

The only thing I could think was that I didn't deserve it. That no one, in the history of the human world, had ever done anything to deserve it. I still can't imagine anything someone could do to deserve a place like it. If there is any possible way you can ever go, do it. Don't ask questions. Just do it.